I have not come to terms with this my whole life, i have always believed myself to be totally in the neutral of everything but i am no longer sure. I have always been an aggressive pacifist and have no side to almost anything. if i said i hated you then i would balance that almost immediately with "i love you" or "but not as much as him/her" and sometimes "I'm kidding, but i don't like you". If i am ranting im sorry, i dont like talking but i enjoy it. Anyway, i am a nerd, that is my worst conclusion or possibly the best, compared to the rest this is the 3rd brightest self realization. i am also a bully which was apparent when i scared someone so bad he pissed himself, true, really, if it wasnt me then i dont know what got him pissing his pants... I am also fat and oddly thin, im thin for a fat guy who is oddly athletic. im countering myself right now...

I'm not really good with journals, not really sure what i am suppose to write or if it must make sense.
Also did you notice if you say a word to many times as in just like "magic, magic, magic, magic, etc."
it stops feeling like a word, yeah then you start thinking like "why does 'G' make that sound?" or like
"what about 'magik?'" go pick a random word and do what i just did then start questioning your education system and alphabet.

Well this must be my first overly written journals and possibly one of the next few in a period of time that can only be measured in a word i cannot type or pronounce but it would be the equivalent of a couple of months. continuing my previously said blather, blah, blah blah, blah!

And what i am is well i would like to believe the neutral but i would probably fall under extreme hypocrite, god i hope i spelled that write, i am the suited man without a plan.

Sincerely with all the poverty and anger, war and hatred of this horrible world and its fat violent children!!!! Randomnation Charles Joseph Lucas Zanzibar, an excellent name, to bad it not mine.

Alain~ (Ah-Lawn) DONT LAUGH
Nygus- (I was thinking noses) dont ask me...